English Premiership League
Injuries | | | Saturday, October 1st, 1814 | | Leicester Molesters: C. Carrol was injured when his girlfriend fish hooked him. The Diagnosis: high as a fucking kite. He's expected to miss about one week. |
| Friday, August 19th, 1814 | | Sherwood Florists: B. Sturgis was injured while throwing the ball. The Diagnosis: popped boner. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 4 days. |
| Wednesday, August 17th, 1814 | | Newcastle Knickers: B. Procter was injured while attempting to bench-press two midgets. The Diagnosis: hangover. He's expected to miss about 2 weeks. | | Sussex Changlings: F. Lowanna was injured on a defensive play. The Diagnosis: vacation. He's expected to miss about 2 weeks. |
| Tuesday, August 16th, 1814 | | Wolverhampton Coyotes: C. Barnasian was injured in a collision at a base. The Diagnosis: swollen fudge hole. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 4 days. |
| Saturday, August 13th, 1814 | | Manchester Cheetos: G. Rabelas was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: gonorrhea. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 1-2 weeks. | | Liverpool Dung Beatles: S. Chosson was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: temporary insanity. He's expected to miss about 1-2 weeks. |
| Wednesday, August 10th, 1814 | | Knightsbridge Trolls: C. Guadalupe was injured being hit by a pitch. The Diagnosis: dirty uniform. He's expected to miss about one week. | | Manchester Cheetos: R. Wesley was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: ruptured yellow thingy. He's expected to miss about 7-8 months. |
| Monday, August 8th, 1814 | | Blackpool Fags: Q. Esquivez was injured in a collision at a base. The Diagnosis: dirty uniform. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 3 days. | | Knightsbridge Trolls: T. Hideyoshi was injured on a defensive play. The Diagnosis: popped boner. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 6 days. | | Liverpool Dung Beatles: B. Mahone was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: run over by bus. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 6 days. | | West Staines Little Bustards: R. Beleite was injured in a collision at a base. The Diagnosis: raw balloon knot from too much Indian food. He's expected to miss about 3 weeks. | | Sherwood Florists: O. Aizawa was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: run over by bus. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 2 weeks. |
| Thursday, August 4th, 1814 | | Liverpool Dung Beatles: E. Seledóm was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: erection will not go down. He's expected to miss about 2 weeks. |
| Wednesday, August 3rd, 1814 | | Leicester Molesters: E. Tamamian was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: penis reduction surgery. He's expected to miss about 2-3 weeks. |
| Tuesday, August 2nd, 1814 | | Leicester Molesters: G. Welsh was injured while helping some old bag cross the street. The Diagnosis: dick rash. He's expected to miss about 2 weeks. | | Sherwood Florists: O. Aizawa was injured on a defensive play. The Diagnosis: donkey punch. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last one week. |
| Sunday, July 31st, 1814 | | Liverpool Dung Beatles: F. Smith was injured on a defensive play. The Diagnosis: bruised stool. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 3 days. |
| Thursday, July 28th, 1814 | | Wolverhampton Coyotes: B. Klinge was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: dirty uniform. He's expected to miss about 3-4 weeks. |
| Wednesday, July 27th, 1814 | | Knightsbridge Trolls: B. Brathwaite was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: sphincter blister. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 1-2 weeks. | | London Britches: D. Prytz was injured on a defensive play. The Diagnosis: dirty uniform. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 1-2 weeks. | | Manchester Cheetos: C. Preftokis was injured on a defensive play. The Diagnosis: AIDS. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 4 days. |
| Monday, July 25th, 1814 | | London Britches: M. Schramm was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: ate bad tuna salad. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 6 days. | | West Staines Little Bustards: O. Bengtsson was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: stroking it. He's expected to miss about 2 weeks. | | Birmingham Bollocks: H. Marita was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: faking it. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 4 days. |
| Sunday, July 24th, 1814 | | Knightsbridge Trolls: O. Jones was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: popped boner. He's expected to miss about 1-2 weeks. |
| Saturday, July 23rd, 1814 | | Sussex Changlings: E. Monarque was injured while throwing the ball. The Diagnosis: poopy pants. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 1-2 weeks. | | London Britches: S. Zigay was injured in a collision at a base. The Diagnosis: fastball in nutsack. He's expected to miss about 8 months. |
| Friday, July 22nd, 1814 | | Manchester Cheetos: N. Pardy was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: sphincter blister. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 2 weeks. | | Manchester Cheetos: R. Rovalino was injured on a defensive play. The Diagnosis: torn beef curtains. He's expected to miss about 2 weeks. | | Wolverhampton Coyotes: M. Maffeis was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: fractured thorax. He's expected to miss about 4-5 weeks. |
| Thursday, July 21st, 1814 | | Wolverhampton Coyotes: H. Sittler was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: popped boner. He's expected to miss about 1-2 weeks. |
| Wednesday, July 20th, 1814 | | Manchester Cheetos: R. Wesley was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: temporary insanity. He's expected to miss about 1-2 weeks. |
| Thursday, July 14th, 1814 | | Sherwood Florists: L. Westcott was injured on a defensive play. The Diagnosis: dirty uniform. He's expected to miss about 3-4 weeks. |
| Wednesday, July 13th, 1814 | | Wolverhampton Coyotes: C. Pletenetsky was injured on a defensive play. The Diagnosis: dislocated nutsack. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 2 weeks. |
| Tuesday, July 12th, 1814 | | Leicester Molesters: F. Coyfe was injured in a collision at a base. The Diagnosis: overdose. He's expected to miss about 4 weeks. |
| Sunday, July 10th, 1814 | | Newcastle Knickers: P. Tvenge was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: dirty uniform. He's expected to miss about 2 weeks. |
| Saturday, July 9th, 1814 | | Liverpool Dung Beatles: L. McQueen was injured while throwing the ball. The Diagnosis: penis reduction surgery. He's expected to miss about 3 weeks. |
| Thursday, July 7th, 1814 | | London Britches: B. Scholz was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: popped boner. He's expected to miss about 2 weeks. |
| Wednesday, July 6th, 1814 | | Manchester Cheetos: J. Varera was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: dirty uniform. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 2 weeks. | | Birmingham Bollocks: B. Assemani was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: pulled groin muscle...he he he. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 3 days. |
| Tuesday, July 5th, 1814 | | Wolverhampton Coyotes: C. Hocking was injured in a collision at a base. The Diagnosis: dirty uniform. He's expected to miss about 3 weeks. |
| Saturday, July 2nd, 1814 | | Manchester Cheetos: M. Bikera was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: popped boner. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 1-2 weeks. |
| Friday, July 1st, 1814 | | Sherwood Florists: P. McNary was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: ate bad tuna salad. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last one week. | | Birmingham Bollocks: D. Reguengo was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: poopy pants. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 1-2 weeks. |
| Thursday, June 30th, 1814 | | Wolverhampton Coyotes: S. Steward was injured in a collision at a base. The Diagnosis: high as a fucking kite. He's expected to miss about 4 weeks. |
| Sunday, June 26th, 1814 | | Blackpool Fags: K. Drumm was injured being hit by a pitch. The Diagnosis: high as a fucking kite. He's expected to miss about 1-2 weeks. | | London Britches: U. Tickle was injured in a collision at a base. The Diagnosis: dirty uniform. He's expected to miss about 1-2 weeks. |
| Friday, June 24th, 1814 | | Blackpool Fags: J. McNeece was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: monthly visitor. He's expected to miss about one week. |
| Saturday, June 18th, 1814 | | Leicester Molesters: S. Hsia was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: dirty uniform. He's expected to miss about 1-2 weeks. |
| Thursday, June 16th, 1814 | | Sussex Changlings: E. Monarque was injured while throwing the ball. The Diagnosis: poopy pants. He's expected to miss about 1-2 weeks. | | Leicester Molesters: F. Barba was injured while throwing the ball. The Diagnosis: popped boner. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 6 days. |
| Wednesday, June 15th, 1814 | | Blackpool Fags: I. Yuranov was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: popped boner. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 1-2 weeks. | | Knightsbridge Trolls: C. Guadalupe was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: faking it. He's expected to miss about 1-2 weeks. | | London Britches: C. Krzoska was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: getting circumcised. He's expected to miss about 8-9 weeks. |
| Tuesday, June 14th, 1814 | | Sherwood Florists: N. Bobe was injured on a defensive play. The Diagnosis: ass vomit. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 6 days. |
| Saturday, June 11th, 1814 | | Birmingham Bollocks: H. Marita was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: vacation. He's expected to miss about 1-2 weeks. |
| Friday, June 10th, 1814 | | Leicester Molesters: P. Gonzálos was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: gonorrhea. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 1-2 weeks. |
| Wednesday, June 8th, 1814 | | Leicester Molesters: M. Bigas was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: monthly visitor. He's expected to miss about one week. | | Sussex Changlings: K. Inéz was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: strained back trying to blow a midget. He's expected to miss about 2 weeks. |
| Saturday, June 4th, 1814 | | Blackpool Fags: S. Garay was injured being hit by a pitch. The Diagnosis: sore ass. He's expected to miss about 8-9 weeks. | | Liverpool Dung Beatles: F. Person was injured on a defensive play. The Diagnosis: sticky fingers. He's expected to miss about 4 days. |
| Wednesday, June 1st, 1814 | | Knightsbridge Trolls: D. McVurich was injured on a defensive play. The Diagnosis: dirty uniform. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 2 weeks. |
| Monday, May 30th, 1814 | | Sussex Changlings: E. Monarque was injured on a defensive play. The Diagnosis: overdose. He's expected to miss about one week. | | Sussex Changlings: T. Brňnnow was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: bit by urchin. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 6 days. |
| Sunday, May 29th, 1814 | | Sherwood Florists: C. van Doren was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: popped boner. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 1-2 weeks. |
| Thursday, May 26th, 1814 | | Sherwood Florists: I. Baratian was injured in a collision at a base. The Diagnosis: torn beef curtains. He's expected to miss about one week. | | Newcastle Knickers: R. Phiri was injured on a defensive play. The Diagnosis: high as a fucking kite. He's expected to miss about 2 weeks. |
| Wednesday, May 25th, 1814 | | London Britches: M. Hespanhol was injured on a defensive play. The Diagnosis: dislocated nutsack. He's expected to miss about 2 weeks. |
| Sunday, May 22nd, 1814 | | Manchester Cheetos: V. Manylov was injured on a defensive play. The Diagnosis: lock jaw. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 4 days. | | Leicester Molesters: K. De Paz was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: sphincter blister. He's expected to miss about 2 weeks. |
| Friday, May 20th, 1814 | | Sherwood Florists: D. Verride was injured in a collision at a base. The Diagnosis: high as a fucking kite. He's expected to miss about 2 weeks. |
| Thursday, May 19th, 1814 | | Liverpool Dung Beatles: G. Alcova was injured while throwing the ball. The Diagnosis: sphincter blister. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last one week. | | Newcastle Knickers: D. Delmuro was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: donkey punch. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last one week. |
| Tuesday, May 17th, 1814 | | Knightsbridge Trolls: B. van Oord was injured while throwing the ball. The Diagnosis: poopy pants. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 3 days. | | Leicester Molesters: R. Schenkel was injured on a defensive play. The Diagnosis: swollen fudge hole. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 3 days. | | London Britches: M. Schramm was injured on a defensive play. The Diagnosis: sticky fingers. He's expected to miss about 2 weeks. |
| Monday, May 16th, 1814 | | Sussex Changlings: J. Blbulian was injured being hit by a pitch. The Diagnosis: dirty uniform. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last one week. |
| Thursday, May 12th, 1814 | | Sherwood Florists: F. Croker was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: temporary insanity. He's expected to miss about 1-2 weeks. |
| Wednesday, May 11th, 1814 | | Newcastle Knickers: N. Tickner was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: dirty uniform. He's expected to miss about 1-2 weeks. |
| Monday, May 9th, 1814 | | Sussex Changlings: T. Mines was injured being hit by a pitch. The Diagnosis: ass vomit. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 6 days. | | Wolverhampton Coyotes: L. Sujo was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: sphincter blister. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 1-2 weeks. |
| Sunday, May 8th, 1814 | | Leicester Molesters: D. Schmidt was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: temporary insanity. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 1-2 weeks. |
| Friday, May 6th, 1814 | | Birmingham Bollocks: S. Porcella was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: faking it. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 6 days. | | Manchester Cheetos: T. Horn was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: dirty uniform. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 1-2 weeks. |
| Thursday, May 5th, 1814 | | Leicester Molesters: S. Sahiri was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: ate bad tuna salad. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 3 days. |
| Saturday, April 30th, 1814 | | Liverpool Dung Beatles: G. Rierdon was injured while throwing the ball. The Diagnosis: dirty uniform. He's expected to miss about 1-2 weeks. |
| Thursday, April 28th, 1814 | | Knightsbridge Trolls: T. Sediva was injured on a defensive play. The Diagnosis: high as a fucking kite. He's expected to miss about 2 weeks. |
| Tuesday, April 26th, 1814 | | West Staines Little Bustards: G. Poe was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: ladybug attack. He's expected to miss about 2 months. | | London Britches: A. Emmiyan was injured while throwing the ball. The Diagnosis: temporary insanity. He's expected to miss about one week. |
| Sunday, April 24th, 1814 | | Sherwood Florists: S. Urcelay was injured while throwing the ball. The Diagnosis: sphincter blister. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 4 days. | | West Staines Little Bustards: M. Radbron was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: run over by bus. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 2 weeks. | | London Britches: R. Smith was injured on a defensive play. The Diagnosis: raw balloon knot from too much Indian food. He's expected to miss about 2 weeks. |
| Friday, April 22nd, 1814 | | Manchester Cheetos: R. Barbot was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: jury duty. He's expected to miss about 8 months. |
| Wednesday, April 20th, 1814 | | Wolverhampton Coyotes: H. Dabula was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: stroking it. He's expected to miss about 2 weeks. |
| Tuesday, April 19th, 1814 | | Knightsbridge Trolls: E. Braddock was injured while throwing the ball. The Diagnosis: popped boner. He's expected to miss about 4 weeks. |
| Saturday, April 16th, 1814 | | London Britches: A. Emmiyan was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: tender nuts. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 1-2 weeks. | | Newcastle Knickers: J. Lancaster was injured in a collision at a base. The Diagnosis: popped boner. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 6 days. |
| Friday, April 15th, 1814 | | Sherwood Florists: O. Aizawa was injured on a defensive play. The Diagnosis: dirty uniform. He's expected to miss about 2 weeks. | | Wolverhampton Coyotes: G. Osborn was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: torn panties. He's expected to miss about 8 months. |
| Wednesday, April 13th, 1814 | | Newcastle Knickers: B. Procter was injured while burning a Wandering Albatross in effigy. The Diagnosis: temporary insanity. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 4 days. | | Blackpool Fags: J. Jabonete was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: monthly visitor. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last one week. | | Wolverhampton Coyotes: K. Bessone was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: gonorrhea. He's expected to miss about 1-2 weeks. | | Sherwood Florists: T. McMillon was injured being hit by a pitch. The Diagnosis: donkey punch. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last one week. |
| Tuesday, April 12th, 1814 | | Knightsbridge Trolls: L. Toraldo was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: dirty uniform. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 1-2 weeks. | | Sussex Changlings: R. Hanyuda was injured on a defensive play. The Diagnosis: droopy nipples. He's expected to miss about 13 months. | | Birmingham Bollocks: M. Hernández was injured on a defensive play. The Diagnosis: teabagging accident. He's expected to miss about 2 weeks. |
| Monday, April 11th, 1814 | | Liverpool Dung Beatles: C. Faulder was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: bit by urchin. He's expected to miss about one week. | | Sherwood Florists: O. Aizawa was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: donkey punch. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 2 weeks. |
| Sunday, April 10th, 1814 | | Knightsbridge Trolls: R. Gingrich was injured in a collision at a base. The Diagnosis: swollen fudge hole. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 6 days. | | Knightsbridge Trolls: H. Berkes was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: punctured booty. He's expected to miss about 2-3 months. | | Leicester Molesters: S. Hsia was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: pulled groin muscle...he he he. He's expected to miss about 2 weeks. | | Sherwood Florists: D. Verride was injured while throwing the ball. The Diagnosis: dirty uniform. He's expected to miss about 2 weeks. | | Sherwood Florists: N. Bobe was injured in a collision at a base. The Diagnosis: popped boner. He's expected to miss about 1-2 weeks. |
| Saturday, April 9th, 1814 | | Wolverhampton Coyotes: H. Dabula was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: erectile dysfunction. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 6 days. | | Newcastle Knickers: G. Ramuz was injured on a defensive play. The Diagnosis: popped boner. He's expected to miss about 4 weeks. |
| Thursday, April 7th, 1814 | | Knightsbridge Trolls: M. Kondziolka was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: popped boner. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 1-2 weeks. | | Birmingham Bollocks: H. Freke was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: run over by bus. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 4 days. | | Sherwood Florists: F. Leabua was injured while running the bases. The Diagnosis: jury duty. He's expected to miss about 8 months. |
| Tuesday, April 5th, 1814 | | Birmingham Bollocks: H. Grillasca was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: ruptured yellow thingy. He's expected to miss about 10-11 months. |
| Monday, April 4th, 1814 | | Blackpool Fags: S. Woodford was injured while pitching. The Diagnosis: temporary insanity. He's expected to miss about 1-2 weeks. | | Leicester Molesters: S. Hsia was injured while throwing the ball. The Diagnosis: sphincter blister. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 3 days. |
| Friday, April 1st, 1814 | | Manchester Cheetos: R. Maneesh was injured while throwing the ball. The Diagnosis: poopy pants. This is a day-to-day injury expected to last 2 weeks. |
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