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 | Under The Knife English Premiership League Injury Report |
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| Birmingham Bollocks |  |
| | Player | Injury | Out for... | Disabled List Status | | P Herm Grillasca | ruptured yellow thingy | 4 months | Not on DL |
| Leicester Molesters |  |
| | Player | Injury | Out for... | Disabled List Status | | P Chaka Carrol | high as a fucking kite | one week | Not on DL | | 3B Suzy Dormal | popped boner | 2 weeks | Not on DL |
| Liverpool Dung Beatles |  |
| | Player | Injury | Out for... | Disabled List Status | | CF Lubriderm Muk | popped boner | 9 months | Not on DL |
| London Britches |  |
| | Player | Injury | Out for... | Disabled List Status | | 1B Saladfork Zigay | fastball in nutsack | 5-6 months | Not on DL | |
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